Larry McGinty tore his coat
& turned it inside outwards,
Put his cap on back to front
& lay among the flowers.
Maggie O’Farrell drunk her glass
& said: “That’s me for homeward!”
Walloped a copper across the jaw
For being far too forward.
& here we are a-sailing
On the good ship Lucky Star,
& no-one but the ship’s cook
Knows where the hell we are!
Charlie Murray placed a bet
But the dog lay down & died-o.
Charlie took a hard revenge
Kicking every Fido.
Mary Wilson laddered her tights
When she scratched her arse-o.
Went home & took some valium
& washed it down with Brasso.
& here we are a-sailing
On the good ship Horn of Plenty,
But the bosun’s being awful mean
With his packet of twenty.
Larry, Maggie, Charlie, Mary,
Posing for a snapshot.
There’s no film in the Brownie
& the cameraman’s a tosspot.
The church was open, in they went
To watch a quiet wedding,
Complaining loudly all the while
Of fleas among the bedding.
& here we are a-sailing
On the good ship Marie Celeste,
Plugging the holes in the universe
With the cabin-boy’s string vest.
Yes, here we are a-sailing
On the ocean azure blue.
There’s nothing to eat & nothing to drink,
So God bless me & you!
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